Is Your Marriage In Trouble?
If you know that your marriage is in trouble it can be very tempting to suffer in silence and hope that things will get better. This is often a typical reaction when you are in denial about the truth of your relationship.
If you are constantly having rows, your sex-life has become sporadic or non-existent or, indeed, if one of you has been unfaithful then your marriage really could be in trouble and you need to face up to the reality of the situation.
Admitting that you’ve got a problem with your marriage is one thing: deciding how to deal with it is quite another. The first thing you have to decide is whether you want to save your marriage or leave it and get a divorce. Divorce is painful, distressing and potentially destructive and should really be the last resort when all attempts at reconciliation have failed. If, despite the problems you are having, you still feel some vestiges of love and affection for your spouse then you should make every attempt to save your marriage before considering separation or divorce.
Saving a troubled marriage isn’t easy and, if you feel that the situation is beyond your powers of making up, you should seek help. Now this could necessitate marriage counselling or it could mean reading a good marriage guide to help you find a strategy that could work for you. Asking friends and relatives for advice is not recommended: they are probably not relationship experts and they are very likely to take sides. Meddling by family or friends, however well-intentioned, is apt to make matters even worse.
Marriage counselling is a useful option, but what if one partner is unwilling to go that route? Many people are reluctant to share intimate details of their lives with strangers, even if they are well-qualified professionals.
In this case, the answer is to take matters into your own hands. You may be unhappy, full of self-pity and close to panic but you must take control of the situation. The good news is that, once one partner takes the initiative, a shaky marriage can be turned around even if the other partner is averse and even hostile.
When you have taken this vital first step and committed yourself to rescuing the marriage you need to step back and look at the wider perspective of the relationship. Try to identify what has truly gone wrong in the relationship. Do not apportion blame but concentrate on the issues that are simply not working, for one or both of you. Look at all aspects of your lives together and focus on what really needs to be fixed. Try to do this as dispassionately as possible so that you can come to a true diagnosis of what is plaguing the marriage.
Then you need to communicate. This could be difficult but it must be done and you shouldn’t rush it. Both partners need to be honest and to be ready to acknowledge what has gone wrong, on both sides. And then they need to negotiate to resolve how conflicts could best be avoided in the future. This will require goodwill and flexibility from both husband and wife. Do not use this stage to repeat old arguments and inflame emotions. Rather, keep calm and as objective as possible and do not allow either side to become angry or threatened.
And finally, when you have both sincerely articulated the problems and potential solutions that you are ready to commit to, you have to act to change behaviour on both sides. If you can get this right, this will form the basis of the future of your marriage.
With the right attitude and some sound techniques, you can save your marriage. But you have to believe that you can do it, you have to communicate together and you need to commit to change. It is possible – if you want to, you can do it.
Click here to find help with saving your marriage in trouble
If you are constantly having rows, your sex-life has become sporadic or non-existent or, indeed, if one of you has been unfaithful then your marriage really could be in trouble and you need to face up to the reality of the situation.
Admitting that you’ve got a problem with your marriage is one thing: deciding how to deal with it is quite another. The first thing you have to decide is whether you want to save your marriage or leave it and get a divorce. Divorce is painful, distressing and potentially destructive and should really be the last resort when all attempts at reconciliation have failed. If, despite the problems you are having, you still feel some vestiges of love and affection for your spouse then you should make every attempt to save your marriage before considering separation or divorce.
Saving a troubled marriage isn’t easy and, if you feel that the situation is beyond your powers of making up, you should seek help. Now this could necessitate marriage counselling or it could mean reading a good marriage guide to help you find a strategy that could work for you. Asking friends and relatives for advice is not recommended: they are probably not relationship experts and they are very likely to take sides. Meddling by family or friends, however well-intentioned, is apt to make matters even worse.
Marriage counselling is a useful option, but what if one partner is unwilling to go that route? Many people are reluctant to share intimate details of their lives with strangers, even if they are well-qualified professionals.
In this case, the answer is to take matters into your own hands. You may be unhappy, full of self-pity and close to panic but you must take control of the situation. The good news is that, once one partner takes the initiative, a shaky marriage can be turned around even if the other partner is averse and even hostile.
When you have taken this vital first step and committed yourself to rescuing the marriage you need to step back and look at the wider perspective of the relationship. Try to identify what has truly gone wrong in the relationship. Do not apportion blame but concentrate on the issues that are simply not working, for one or both of you. Look at all aspects of your lives together and focus on what really needs to be fixed. Try to do this as dispassionately as possible so that you can come to a true diagnosis of what is plaguing the marriage.
Then you need to communicate. This could be difficult but it must be done and you shouldn’t rush it. Both partners need to be honest and to be ready to acknowledge what has gone wrong, on both sides. And then they need to negotiate to resolve how conflicts could best be avoided in the future. This will require goodwill and flexibility from both husband and wife. Do not use this stage to repeat old arguments and inflame emotions. Rather, keep calm and as objective as possible and do not allow either side to become angry or threatened.
And finally, when you have both sincerely articulated the problems and potential solutions that you are ready to commit to, you have to act to change behaviour on both sides. If you can get this right, this will form the basis of the future of your marriage.
With the right attitude and some sound techniques, you can save your marriage. But you have to believe that you can do it, you have to communicate together and you need to commit to change. It is possible – if you want to, you can do it.
Click here to find help with saving your marriage in trouble
